Tag Archives: Werk

The one where I rate the @NHLBlackhawks suit game.

Oh look! It’s another one of those posts that is less about sport and more about the objectification of male athletes…..AND YOU LOVE IT!

Truly though, this post comes at the request of Mama Gray, who some years ago joined me in my love of the Chicago Blackhawks, even going so far as to (at my request) wear our lucky 88 Patty Kane jersey for every single Blackhawk game this last post season like the legend that she is, only complaining once that it was somewhat limiting her wardrobe. I myself wore the lucky 88 Paddy Kane jersey UNDER my work clothes, for Game 7 v Detroit the year before because I was convinced the Blackhawks would lose if I didn’t – and I work in an office…. have you ever tried to wear a hockey jersey under a pencil skirt and blouse?? Awkward. As. Fuck.

Anyway, this past week the Blackhawks had a red carpet event prior to their game v Buffalo, and I’m a Judgemental Judy, so this was the perfect opportunity to appreciate/throw shade at my Blackhawk boys.

Here we go…..

AndrewShaw

Andrew Shaw

First up we have Andrew Shaw. Andrew Shaw has a girlfriend. A girlfriend who let him leave the house with ill fitting trousers, that have failed in an attempt to reach his shoes. I will give him a point for at least wearing dress socks – but then I’m taking it away for wearing what appears to be a Burberry tie. I like Burberry – but wearing a Burberry tie is the most pedestrian “I’m trying to look flash and have no idea how since I’m really a bogan” move ever. On the other hand, if it isn’t a Burberry tie, it’s definitely an attempt at a knock off, in which case, Andrew Shaw is cheap. Or ignorant.

He also appears to be wearing button cuffs. Ugh.

Suit Game = WEAK

AnttiRaanta

Antti Raanta

You’ll note via the coming pictures that brown shoes are apparently a ‘thing’ with the Blackhawks. I don’t mind this look overall, but I’m undecided about the tan shoes and belt, I really feel like the suit may be a little too dark and the tan a little light. Good overall fit. Excellent cuff length.

Suit Game = FAIR

BenSmith

Ben Smith

Not sure if this is Harvey Spectre or Ben Smith. Either way he looks very nice. I’m going to overlook the tie length and approve of the pocket square addition. Points off for button cuffs.

Suit Game = FAIR

BradRichards

Brad Richards

Those of you who follow me on Twitter (and if you don’t you totally should – @graysfanatomy) may remember in January I was at the United Centre watching the Blackhawks play the Rangers. I also lost a bet to my best heckler buddy, and Rangers fan, Maree (shout out) when the Blackhawks lost. Said loss resulted in me having to wear Maree’s Rangers jersey in NYC for 5 days and to 2 Rangers games – which turned out to be fun. True Rangers fans were on to me though, and I ended up being heckled when a group of guys around me decided I wasn’t excited enough, this realisation was followed with a “Wait – you’re not even a Rangers fan are you?” and me dropping my head and muttering “I lost a bet”. Good natured banter and free beers ensued, and by all accounts a grand time was had by all. Anyway, as usual I digress (it was just so fun!). The point I was getting to was that said Rangers jersey was in fact a Brad Richards Jersey – and now Brad Richards is a Blackhawk. TAKE THAT MAREE!

Brad Richards scrubs up very nicely indeed.

Suit Game = STRONG

BrandonSaad

Brandon Saad

Manchild nearly had it right…….then he wore pants that are too short. HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE THIS?

Suit Game = WEAK

BrentSeabrook

Brent Seabrook

Not sure if Brent Seabrook was trying to look like he doesn’t really care to be there, but he certainly pulls it off. You know what else he pulls off? Slob. Bad hair, take away coffee, the suit doesn’t fit well, nor does his shirt – where are your cuffs?? Half an inch – that’s the minimum amount of cuff you should be showing MINIMUM. The tie is too long (a pet peeve of mine) although it is quite a nice knot. Also, why is there a puck in your pocket??

Gentleman! I beg you, close your jackets!

Suit Game = SO WEAK

CoreyCrawford

Corey Crawford

Hello Wall Street. Corey looks bang. No further comment.

Suit Game = STRONG

DanielCarcillo

Daniel Carcillo

I don’t like Daniel Carcillo. Therefore I don’t like his outfit. Next.

Suit Game = WEAK

DavidRundblad

David Rundblad

Well, hello handsome. Lovely hair, neat pocket square. I’m generally not keen on skinny ties, but this one werks.

Suit game = STRONG

DuncanKeith

Duncan Keith

Duncan Keith is adorable. His wife is one of the 2 luckiest women on the planet. I’m thinking though, that perhaps Dunc was hanging with his bash brother Brent Seabrook prior to this event since they both look like shit (SORRY DUNCAN!). Even Duncan’s hair looks unwashed. The suit itself is not horrible, could even be nice if tailored correctly, which it isn’t. craptie.com.

Suit Game = WEAK

JeremyMorin

Jeremy Morin

Yes! Faith in humanity restored. Look at those lovely cuffs. LOVELY. I’m choosing to ignore your Burberry tie since it is purple and not obviously Burberry. Close your jacket and you are perfect Jeremy Morin.

Suit Game = PADAWAN

JohnnyOduya

Johnny Oduya

Johnny Oduya is my birthday twin and on occasion my fantasy husband – but not in that suit. So, I’m not going to be too hard on him. But WTF is going on here? No, just no. Each piece is probably lovely on its own, but a godawful mess together.

Suit Game: WEAK

JonathanToews

Jonathan Toews

Here is Captain Serious, looking, well, serious – and like he is about to pull out an arabesque right there on the red carpet which would be sure to entertain the woman on the right there who looks way too happy to be in Tazer’s presence. I like what he has done here, the jacket is quite nice, though long in the sleeve.

Suite Game = STRONG

MarcusKruger

Marcus Kruger

Marcus Kruger could have walked straight from the pages of GQ magazine. Marry me.

Suit Game = THE STRONGEST

MarianHossa

Marian Hossa

Mama Gray’s favourite, both on the ice and in a suit – so I’ll need to be very careful with how I proceed. JK he is fabs – good enough to leave my father for Mum.

Suit Game = STRONG

NiklasHjalmarsson

Niklas Hjalmarsson

Niklas wins. This look is just lovely on him, although it is a little late in the year for a suit of that colour, and his trousers could really do with a belt. Still, two thumbs up.

Suit Game = JEDI MASTER

PatrickSharp

Patrick Sharp

Ah, the husband of the other luckiest woman on the planet. He’s a bit older than the other lads, hence the more classically styled suit, which works very nicely indeed on Mr. Sharp. I’m only going to pick at sleeve length cos ugh.

Suit Game = STRONG

PattyKane

Patrick Kane

My boy Paddy Kane. I can see cuff, of a very nice rose coloured shirt. Pant length is good, jacket is closed, what appears to be a very nice double windsor knot and shoes that don’t say “Look at me, I’m wearing shoes!”. Aye, he’s bonnie.

Suit Game = YODA

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Okay, so if I have taught you people anything today let it be these things:

1. Always wear shirts with French Cuffs. ALWAYS.

2. A minimum of 2cm of cuff should be showing from your jacket.

3.  You will always look better with your jacket closed. You can unbutton it when you sit, but not before.

4. Your tie should reach your waistband or your belt buckle. If it is longer than that START AGAIN. DON’T BE LAZY.

5. For the love of all that is holy, have your suit properly tailored.

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College Football Opening Weekend 2014

My life has infinitely improved with the re-introduction of college football. I did nothing this past weekend except eat, sleep and watch football. IT WAS AMAZING.

No. 9 South Carolina v No. 21 Texas A & M

Texas A & M DESTROYED No. 9 South Carolina 52 – 28.  TAMU quarterback Kenny Hill completed 44 of 60 passes for 511 yards and 3 touchdowns, breaking my boy Johnny Football’s previous school record for yards in a single game. Kenny Hill had a nice time of it out there with plenty of open receivers, a great offensive line and South Carolina’s piss poor secondary helping him out. Truly, the game was won in the very first drive, and it was obvious South Carolina’s defence had nothing.  I know it was only the first game, but sophomore Kenny Hill looked like a fucking stud out there. It was glorious. He had 72% completion against the blitz, and his poise and decision making was that of a somewhat more seasoned QB. Genius recruiter Kevin Sumlin’s team, offensively looks brilliant, and Kenny Hill certainly seems suited to Sumlin’s style of play, where more than half of their gained yardage came after the catch. Ah. Football.  I can’t help but comment that South Carolina’s preseason ranking appears to be fucked.

No. 2 Alabama v West Virginia

With the loss of A J McCarron to the NFL, Alabama had fifth year senior (seriously, shouldn’t have graduated by now??) Blake Sims at QB. He threw one interception, but otherwise looked solid. Alabama’s defence is still as bad as it was last year – West Virginia wide recover Kevin White finished up with 9 catches and 143 yards because defending against him was apparently a little too much like hard work. ‘Bama went on to win 33 – 23, the game being a lot closer than that score suggests. It was also possibly the most boring game I watched.

The best thing about this game was the ESPN Camera dedicated to Offensive Coordinator Lane Kiffin and his rollercoaster of emotions. SO MANY FEELS.

No. 12 Georgia v No. 16 Clemson

Let’s go ahead and copy + paste my post from last year since once again this was the game of the weekend for me. Honestly, that game could have gone for another 2 hours and I still would have been sad to see it end.

Three words for you…. Todd Gurley, Heisman. Junior Todd Gurley was first scorer after a 5 play, 57 yard drive.  He also ran a 100 yard kick off return for TD making him the only player in UGA history with 2 career 100 yard kick off return TDs.  While he only touched the ball 5 times in the first half, he touched it that many times in the first drive of the second half, setting the tone for the rest of the game. Gurley finished with 293 yards and 4 touchdowns. You go Todd Gurley.

One of the most interesting reviews of the weekend was a dropped ball by Georgia wide receiver Michael Bennett. The ruling on the field was that Bennett was down before the ball came free (he was). The call was reviewed and overturned by some person who may or may not have been drunk since there was absolutely no evidence to overturn the call on the field. Poor form drunky. 

Georgia QB Hutson Mason went on to score the very next drive after great plays by Michael Bennett and Todd Gurley, while Clemson went on to three consecutive 3 and out drives. Clemson back-up QB Deshaun Watson was then put in for Cole Stoudt (Sunshine?) and showed his arm early in the second with a pretty, pretty 30 yard pass for touchdown. That drive – 6 plays for 78 yards, not a bad start for the young man, not good for Cole Stoudt who was later intercepted by red shirt freshman Aaron Davis in an important drive that tied the game at 21-21 going into the break.

Georgia ended up winning the game in a 45 – 21 blowout, and Clemson fans face palming became my new favourite thing.

Honourable mention to freshman running back Nick Chubb who was impossible to bring down in a 47 yard TD run in the 4th.

No. 1 Florida State University v Oklahoma State University

Reigning Heisman winner, crab leg connoisseur, and No. 1 Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston really did nothing to remind people why he won the trophy last year. He threw two interceptions in the fist half, was too slow releasing the ball and was sacked twice. He did manage to score off a 28 yard run which included some hurdling of team mates and was vaguely impressive, finishing up with 25 completions for 40 attempts and 370 yards.

FSU receiver Rashad Greene had 203 rushing yards in this game and scored Jameis Winston’s only passing touchdown. No one else is worth mentioning. I’m not even kidding.

Underdog Oklahoma State are in a rebuilding year but the unranked, very young team showed a lot of heart and managed to stay in the game by doing a really nice job limiting FSU’s running game.

No. 14 Wisconsin v No. 13 LSU

How did LSU even win this game? I still don’t even know what happened. Okay, that is not exactly true. What happened was Wisconsin had the lead in the third quarter 24 – 7. Then BOOM. Fake Punt, 30 yard field goal, 21 unanswered points. Les Miles.

Wisconsin QB Tanner McEvoy quite literally lost his shit in the second half, throwing 8 completions from 24 attempts for only 50 yards, and got picked off twice. That was that. 

Everything else…..

No. 3 Oregon beat South Dakota 62 – 13

No. 4 Oklahoma beat Louisiana Tech 48 – 16

No. 5 Ohio State beat Navy 34 – 17

No. 6 Auburn beat Arkansas 45 – 21

No. 7 UCLA beat Virginia 28 – 20

No. 8 Michigan State beat Jacksonville State 45 – 7 

No. 11 Stanford beat UC Davis 45 – 0 (COME ON!)

No. 15 USC beat Fresno State 52 -13

No 17. Notre Dame beat Rice 48 – 17 

No. 20 Kansas State beat beat Stephen F Austin 55 – 16

No. 22 Nebraska beat Florida Atlantic 55 – 7

No. 23 North Carolina beat Liberty 56 – 29

No. 24 Missouri beat South Dakota State 38 – 18

No. 25 Washington beat Hawaii 17 – 16

Penn State beat University Central Florida 26 – 24 in Dublin

+ a whole lot of scores nobody cares about. 

Also, Eastern Michigan played on a grey field. It was weird. 

Spirit Animal Awards

Today, in nominations for my 2014 Spirit Animal, we have Henry (I’m going to take a stab and assume his second name is Stern from his Insta account, also it says so on the picture below). Henry came in last place in his Fantasy League and as punishment had to pose for a number (12 in fact) of hilarious pictures to be made into a calender. The best is the copy of Prince Fielder’s shot from ESPN The Magazine’s ‘Body’ issue, but you can see other such gems as George Costanza pose, and Miley Cyrus’ wrecking ball pose on his instagram account here.

henrystern photo.PNG-1

Werk.

 

NBA Fashion Weeks – Week 5

The Portland Trail Blazers might be done for the season, but Damian Lillard is now a two time NBA Fashion Weeks winner. Fresh to death.

DamianLillardWk5

Damian Lillard (Portland Trail Blazers)

Honourable mention to Washington Wizards’ Bradley Beale. That bow tie.

BradleyBealewk5

Bradley Beale (Washington Wizards)

Dishonourable mention to LA Clippers Matt Barnes who, despite cleverly matching his sweet high tops to his Ferrari, is wearing a shit blazer. It’s just, no. Not even. Also, I think you should seriously rethink the size of your trousers.

MattBarneswk5

Matt Barnes (LA Clippers)

Everybody else…..

IanMahinmiwk5

Ian Mahinmi (Indiana Pacers)

CP3wk5

Chris Paul (LA Clippers)

DJwk5

DeAndre Jordan (LA Clippers) DOUBLE DENIM!

And finally, one more of Damian Lillard because the Trail Blazers have been eliminated and I’m going to miss seeing this guy werk the suits.

damianlillardwk5.2

Damian Lillard (Portland Trail Blazers)